Drop-out
... am I?
When I am happy and contented, I tend to forget those people who loves me and who cares for me... but who are they really? How can I tell who they are when these sheeps are mingled with flocks of creatures wearing masks hiding their identity like wolves ready to attack my innocence? And, am I not a person who easily run-away and escapes when tough times come?
Blogging is my pen friend, he keeps me company, listens to me when I'm in doubt and when I want to pour out how I feel. Yet I asked, does blogging hates me too for being such a selfish woman who gets to think of him and talk to him only when in times of confusion?
Years ago, I avoided meeting friends and winning friends. I got tired of it. There was once in my life when someone who became a part of my life taught me to detach myself from other people, from socializing with friends, from spending time with people who have shown how important I am in their lives. To avoid argumentation and misunderstanding, I did just what he asked me to do, and my time was wasted. Wrong move! I made myself an idiot and a cold-hearted woman not having friends around me just because I have loved this man.
Now, it's not that easy to entrust my heart to anyone. Friends may come and go, but love and pain remains in my heart. Meeting new friends is so easy, yet meeting true friends is the most difficult part. Then I am blessed and have found one, yet it's so complicated to keep this special friend. Heart and mind debates, does it worth fighting for when there are hindrances?
In my heart I could feel so much pain like that of a bomb about to explode. In my mind I couldn't contest on how to control the emotion so as to avoid confusion and these unending sufferings.
No man is an island, yet I have lived my life being alone thinking how life should be spent just to please other people. And forever I will be alone coz' I am scared to strive for the true happiness I long have wanted.
DROP-OUT! Forever I will be... and to love have lost and deleted in my memory...
posted by Nhey at 8:18 PM
3 Comments:
Hmmm... Mixed thinking... Drop In or Drop Out? Do I have to ask?
Wed Jul 30, 10:44:00 AM 2008
Good Sunday Morning to you Ms Scribbling.
I have read all your post by now but my time is really very short to give comments on the post which "moves" me. Let me get back to you, again. And say what´s the ink of my pen say about this.
...till then... anonymous san...
Sun Aug 10, 04:08:00 AM 2008
Hello Ms Scribbling.
I have known friends and acquaintances who blog.
I myself subscribe to Blogs and in some forum. I get to learn things
that have enhance my craft. Some I even laugh to death reading them:)
I have in my own little way help people find answer to some questions,
simple and complex question.
Blogging and forums are the modern way to educate, get ideas,
to learn, to communicate, an art in the most modern and
innovative way.
But what is really Blogging how far can a person
discuss whats going on inside her own bathroom?:)
much more inside a persons deepest thought. Others spill all kinds
of milk in their blog, a show of a strong in character
not afraid to be judge and be mocked, others are carefull.
But whatever ways and reasons
it gives, it helps a person unload something and it always help
the reader to understand and learned something. If Blogging gives
you peace in a special way, let you breath in a special way,
let you learn in a special way and let you unload in a special way
never never deny yourself Ms Scribbling in taking time to sit and talk to your blog.
Maybe no one will read it or comment on it but I am very sure you will feel
good taking out whats inside your thought and heart.
And maybe an angel will even comment on the most darkest post you will
ever write giving you the enlightenment and the chance to think 2x or 3x or 100x time.
Ernest Hemmingway shots himself and ended the life of one of the most
prolific writer / artist by the time he decided to stop
writing.
I know its not really easy to decide who are the sheep and the goat specially they
are in the human form:). Specially if you are a person which is capable of
giving many things in many form to a lot of people. Let me share this to you Ms Scribbling.
By the end of my teen years I have drawn an
imaginary cirlce around me, and put those people, whom i think
will be with me thru the end of my days. People who will not say those
words which I want to hear, but those words which will make me angry and put fire in my nose and ears:) becauce their words are / were true and correct.
A love that has no hindrances must be given a thought of 10x, and a love
that has hindrances even a single tiny one must be given a thought of 100x.
Ms Scribbling i too have lots of sacrifices in my life, either love and
life itself for the betterment of those people around me. I have learned how
to define happiness in my own way. I beleive that there are no true happiness,
it is how we define happiness that makes it true.
Keep writing Ms Scribbling. And keep smilin:)
...anonymous san:)...
Mon Aug 11, 05:38:00 PM 2008
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