Drop-out
... am I?
When I am happy and contented, I tend to forget those people who loves me and who cares for me... but who are they really? How can I tell who they are when these sheeps are mingled with flocks of creatures wearing masks hiding their identity like wolves ready to attack my innocence? And, am I not a person who easily run-away and escapes when tough times come?
Blogging is my pen friend, he keeps me company, listens to me when I'm in doubt and when I want to pour out how I feel. Yet I asked, does blogging hates me too for being such a selfish woman who gets to think of him and talk to him only when in times of confusion?
Years ago, I avoided meeting friends and winning friends. I got tired of it. There was once in my life when someone who became a part of my life taught me to detach myself from other people, from socializing with friends, from spending time with people who have shown how important I am in their lives. To avoid argumentation and misunderstanding, I did just what he asked me to do, and my time was wasted. Wrong move! I made myself an idiot and a cold-hearted woman not having friends around me just because I have loved this man.
Now, it's not that easy to entrust my heart to anyone. Friends may come and go, but love and pain remains in my heart. Meeting new friends is so easy, yet meeting true friends is the most difficult part. Then I am blessed and have found one, yet it's so complicated to keep this special friend. Heart and mind debates, does it worth fighting for when there are hindrances?
In my heart I could feel so much pain like that of a bomb about to explode. In my mind I couldn't contest on how to control the emotion so as to avoid confusion and these unending sufferings.
No man is an island, yet I have lived my life being alone thinking how life should be spent just to please other people. And forever I will be alone coz' I am scared to strive for the true happiness I long have wanted.
DROP-OUT! Forever I will be... and to love have lost and deleted in my memory...
